Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
