i used baking grease as lip gloss
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
