well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
