we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
