she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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