Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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