I need help removing her.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Ketchup is God's man juice
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
