Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
