Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
