The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
