I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
