ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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