Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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