I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
