I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
