We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You dont lie about slip and slides
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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