yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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