I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
