Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
