I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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