I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
