i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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