??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
