I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
