evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
