i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this just has baby written all over it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
