I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
