The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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