Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
