if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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