conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
