If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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