My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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