If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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