Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
