i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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