Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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