The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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