Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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