I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
