I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
