She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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