i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
