hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The maid of honor just puked.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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