Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
