my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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