just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
