wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
