We won't sleep together?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
