He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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