Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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