My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
