I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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