So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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