we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
