so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
