She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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