i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
