I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize