The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
