Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
